long time since i last posted. but today, i'm here to post.reason being i just read smth about myself somewhere else.and i feel i have the need to blurt out the uproar of emotions in my heart.
seriously, WHO IS THE ONE AT FAULT!
c'mon..if you nv get the full story let me tell you why am i actually doing this..in case you never knew, my family have always been against the idea of having you as my good friend. and i've defended you in front of them again and again and again UNTIL IM SO SICK AND TIRED SOMETIMES BUT EVENTUALLY i still defended you.
i didnt mention or even hint that i am the one who is right and of cos, i wont even dare to say that i have done alot for you. but seriously, even before all these starts to happen, I'VE ALL ALONG FELT NEGLECTED.
maybe is the issue of being in different classes..maybe i don't even belong in your social circle.whatever, now it doen't seem to bother anyone anymore.including me.
neglected for like dno how many times but i didnt voice it out because i always thought tht if u treat me truthfully like a close friend in your heart, someday you will come and get me. and guess what? oops you didn't.
why am i not surprised at all-
having common friends might be the toughest thing for me nowadays..it's just obviously impossible to talk to some of my friends anymore since they're with you. somehow it feels like i have to draw myself out in order to feel comfortable.
in the first place, why did things turn out like that? i seriously have no idea.
sometimes, i hate to admit it, but yes i do miss the times we spent together. the album you gave me, i kept it safe and nice in my drawer..sometimes take it out and flip through the pages, and then i just feel like' hey, where's my friend?' and then i will just wake up and like 'oh, she isn't one for me anymore.'
i just can't bring myself to do it.
perhaps you might think that i'm over-reacting to all the little things that happened. i thought they were nothing much to bother in the first place. however, when they all chain up together and bind me like some horrifying rope, i realise i am really hurt.
tears.
you know how much of that flowed because of you?oh, maybe now you think i'm drama.truth be told, i'm totally surprised that i feel so much about you.
and you know what?forget it. maybe someday these misunderstandings will clear away on its own.maybe they'll stay there forever.but sometimes i really have the urge to throw this question at your face:
DO YOU DARE TO SAY THAT YOU HAVE ALWAYS TREAT YOUR FRIENDS WELL?
seriously, i know i'm not the only one hurt out there.maybe th rest are just more forgiving than me. i always thought i have good patience and good temper..but somehow in this case, none of that holds for me anymore.
why am i typing this chunk of shitty words here?i hve absolutely no idea.
maybe you don't even feel the same anymore..maybe you really are devastated by the loss?lol..who am i kidding.
all i know is, if we're meant to be friends, perhaps someday we'll be back tgt again.
but before that,all i can say is that
i'm sorry.
i have to make myself tolerate this for the time being.
Labels: i never wanted it to be like this